Tina and the Hobbit

Kids, if ever there was a good story about ‘How I Met Your Father”, this would have been it.  Grumbling, because I had to take a day off work to attend a First Aid course, I envisioned a day spent with the blue rinse set and aged Rotarians brushing up on their volunteer ambo skills.  What an unexpected pleasure to walk in to the Hall to find that the average age of participants was about 25.

I didnt notice the Hobbit right away (too early for small person jokes?), but he noticed me after I volunteered to be the first unconscious victim for CPR demonstration purposes.  The trainer (who bore an uncanny resemblance to my bald Uncle Alan) made the joke “I hope she’s brushed her teeth” before checking if I was breathing (yeah, I’ll bet THAT was original material) and I replied “I hope he’s washed his hands” (before he was to put them in my mouth), to the general amusement of the onlookers and the Hobbit.

When my demo was over, the Hobbit moved quickly to secure me as his partner.   I must say, I was a bit chuffed with how the day was turning out.  Not only was the training better than expected, but my partner was very good-looking, fun, clearly thought I was hilarious (an excellent quality in a man) and, crucially, didnt smell like old person.

Let’s face it-  First Aid training is practically foreplay.  Throughout day, we were forced to fondle each other, what with all the CPR, bandaging and emergency response drills.   He played the victim in a tragic crush incident involving shopping trollies (requiring me to touch all his limbs), while I played the shocked housewife who’d cut herself and ran screaming at him with a knife.  Yep, throw in a nurse’s outfit and you’ve got a day’s worth of kinky fantasies for the bargain price of $115.

To add to all of that, I was impressed by his manliness in taking the initiative to ask me to join him for lunch, and that he boldly moved his gear to my table for the afternoon session. Turn up the fan- it was getting hot in there!

As a result, you might want to think twice before you go hiking with me, as there is a good chance I have missed some First Aid essentials.  While I should have been memorising whether to use vinegar or wee after a deadly Iracanji jellyfish sting, I was having inappropriate thoughts about dragging the Hobbit down the back of the Community Hall and having my way with him. The fact that he was occasionally touching my arm to get my attention didn’t help either.

See, the weird thing is, although I am a fraction on the short side, I actually COULD have dragged the Hobbit down the back of the Hall because, well, he was kinda tiny.  I’m (an imposing) 5’4″, weigh in at 55kg and I would be surprised if he had 2 inches or 5 kilos on me.    In addition to general shortarsedness, he was a dead ringer for Elijah Wood (aka Frodo Baggins) and thus earned the title of the Hobbit.  As a general rule, I fancy tall men, so attraction to a man in Tina sized proportions was all new for me.

The end of the day came, and we walked out in the dusk to the deserted car park at the back of the Hall.  My Mills & Boon fueled imagination had me envisioning a car bonnet related encounter that ended with me gasping and crying out ‘SLADE’ – (not his name, you understand, but undoubtedly the best M&B bad boy character ever written.)

And what ACTUALLY happened was…. we finished our conversation, he quickly said,  “I’d like to give you my card, just in case you need a Chiropractor,  or something” (he was a Chiro, obviously), pecked me on the cheek, and said goodbye.

I drove home, feeling both pleased and a little disappointed (I’m sure there is a part of me that really wants to be more of a bonnet-related-wild-woman), til I checked the card, and discovered that it was his business card- containing nothing but generic clinic details.  No Sparkles related poetry, words of lust or even a mobile phone number scribbled on the back.

Aaah, dilemma.  I had just resolved not to chase any man, and yet…. I hadnt given the Hobbit any contact details, not even my (real) last name. So, I resolved not to make any decisions about what to do until I had seen what was happening with Mike RoDayo, a TAM I’d met at Australia’s most famous rodeo a few weeks earlier (but that’s a whole and other story….).

What to do, what to do?

Stay tuned for the next episode of the Tina Sparkles Experience…

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About The Tina Sparkles Experience

Welcome- these are travel and dating stories with a difference- there is no doubt Tina Sparkles has the ability to find the humour in any situation. Every blog is guaranteed to be a laugh- hope you enjoy!

2 Responses to “Tina and the Hobbit”

  1. Tell me more, tell me more……..

  2. Tina, you have to call him. It’s not every day you meet a man that looks like Frodo Baggins. But please ask him to change his name to Slade. I love a bad boy hobbit. Whoa!

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